jueves, 21 de abril de 2016

Dealing with reality.

I didn't see you today. I felt emptiness like never before. My heart was reduced to thin powder and I began wondering 'how is he?' 'what is he doing?'. How are you? You might think I am alright, you might think after all this I forgot you. But I don't stop thinking of you, not even one day.
I just want to say that I love you. Yes, I do. I finally said it out loud. Even if I won't allow myself to love you freely, I still feel this tickles inside my head whenever I think of you, and a deep hole inside my heart whenever I see you. It's a huge wound that is wide open, a wound that is slowly driving me to death. I wish it did, but no one dies from loving someone who doesn't love them back. Unfortunately.
I still feel we are the same tone of green, I still feel our colors combine. And I feel this fucking attraction I can't deal with. Some sort of magnetism that emerged between us at the first sight. I wish I could run to you dramatically under the rain and tell you how much I love you, all that I would do for you. I would give anything for a morning in which the sun shone over your face, dying your turquoise soul with golden rays.
But then I go back to reality and I realize how difficult it would be to deal with us everyday. Somehow all the love I felt inside was never enough to change that or even to make it easier.
I just.. I obsess over the thought of having you close to me. That clean smell that surrounds you, like an aura wraping my body when you are around. And that pretty song sounding in the background... your favorite of course.
I tell myself to get over this, to say goodbye, but how? The answer is a deep silence, that fills up with noisy thoughts regarding how much I miss you and how many times I have been on denial of that.
That's how dealing with reality feels like. A hole in your chest that you can feel but you can't fill. A dream you had that never came true. A nightmare you can't wake up from. A path that seems endless to a destiny that is always uncertain. My reality feels like you're missing.